G X O

Benefits Of BDSM In Relationships

How BDSM Makes You Happier


If you haven’t heard of 50 Shades of Grey, I would seriously question where you’ve been for the past few years. 50 Shades of Grey was immensely popular – that the total number of copies in print exceeded 2.1 million copies. Having been translated in 52 languages across the globe, it has broken numerous records for the amount sold, and the speed with which they were sold. Love it or loathe it – there’s no denying the effect that the series had an effect on the engagement of BDSM within sexual relationships, whether that be through the engagement of BDSM or simply role playing through some BDSM ideas.

 

Couple Sensually Engaging In BDSM Which Hells Couture Argues Increases Strength Of The Relationship

 

The effects of the ‘mommy porn’ book had sweeping effects across the globes as adult product sales sky rocketed. Some adult websites experienced a 45% surge in visitors, and the sales of bondage related items sky rocketed with reports indicating that they experienced up to an 80% increase in sales. Some stores, including Adult Lifestyle Centres struggled to keep up with demand routinely selling out in handcuffs, Kegel balls and other products from the Fifty Shades of Grey series as suppliers across the globe also struggled with the demand.

It’s therefore not an industry secret that the trilogy sparked a global curiosity in terms of BDSM. Kinky sex, as we discussed in previous articles as we explored the definition of BDSM is often something that is defined by what it is not, as opposed to what it actually is and there are a number of misconceptions and untruths about followers of BDSM lifestyles. Truth be told, there’s grounded scientific research which suggests that BDSM and kinky sex is not just a portal into sexual exploration and experimentation which navigates away from the traditional ‘vanilla’ sexual lifestyle, but that BDSM is something which also leads to numerous physical and mental health benefits.

Backing this claim has been a widely cited academic article published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine and written by Andreas Wismeijer and Marcel van Assen from Tilburg University. We will explore the science of practicing BDSM, but this article will explore six benefits of the BDSM lifestyle and the engagement of kinky sex that have been cited within the article, and beyond.

BDSM And Improving Communication Within Relationships

Communication in relationships can be difficult. Humans, by nature are prone not to discuss intimacy and sex even with their spouses. We aren’t just talking about talking kinky to your partner, this is serious and sincere communication. Though we do note that we cover kinky talking later on. The discussion of sex is often eschewed in favour of more meaningless conversations as we are generally brought up to consider the idea of sex being a private act. The unwillingness to talk about sex during formal education, and during growing up often means that when it comes to thinking about the discussion of sex, feelings of embarrassment, shame and inadequacy are often brought up. It’s an interesting paradox when we, in today’s age, are continually surrounded by the idea of sex in our culture, from being represented in magazines and TV, advertising fashion and music. The failure to discuss sex openly with others often means that we do not have access to basic information regarding sex and sexual health. This silence keeps us blissfully ignorant and unaware and it is for this reason why it is so strongly argued that we need to improve sex positive attitudes and education about sex during formative years.

 

BDSM Increases Intimacy And Strengthens Love In A Relationship

 

Kinky sex is primarily about two main things; negotiation and consent. In order to negotiate and navigate through consent, a couple needs to have an open and honest communication. For that reason, couples and individuals who practice BDSM and kinky sex tend to be in a far better position than non-kinky couples when it comes to the art of communication. Kinky couples discuss their feelings, their desires in an open fashion which then leads to improved communication between the two. If you can open up about what turns you on, your inner most desires and fantasies then do you truly have any other secrets that you hold back?

Communication is an important part of kink and BDSM related activities. Couples need to discuss their fantasies with their sexual partner, they need to then negotiate about what each can do for the other. They will discuss what turns them on, their likes and dislikes and what they’re willing to do. This discussion forms the negotiation. You don’t just walk into the bedroom one day and your partner is sitting there with a ball gag and a whip and they say – I want to be whipped. There needs to be the discussion of the practicality of the scenario, how hard do you want to be whipped, do you want me to talk dirty while I do it, can I pull your hair, am I allowed to be rough and controlling? Even if these questions are not asked before play, they’re quickly realised and articulated between the partners through discussions during or after sex. Couples that practice BDSM might have a debriefing discussion after the play session where they will discuss what they liked, what turned them on, and if there was anything that made them feel uncomfortable. This negotiation causes a refinement of the sexual activity so that the next time that it is used that it is done more effectively and remains in tune with each other’s sexual desires and limitations. Or, it might be realised that this type of play is not for them, and that they will learn from the experience and try something different. In this regard, BDSM couples are not just having a single discussion, they’re having multiple discussions about a particular activity until it is refined to the most ideal level that suits all involved.

 

Kinky Sex Increases Intimacy In Couples

Contrary to popular belief, intimacy is not just sex. Intimacy is often touted as being rooted deep within human behaviour and as a deep and necessary biological need. Intimacy is something that everyone needs and it begins from being a small child and a child understanding that their parents love them, support them and have an emotional bond to them.

However, what is intimacy as you grow older? It’s often something that is misunderstood with the idea of intimacy often becoming synonymous with sexual activity. However, intimacy and sexual activity are two separate things.  Intimacy is complex, it’s about being emotionally close to someone and about the ability to let ones guard down, to be vulnerable and to have the ability to let them know how you truly feel about them. Intimacy is the ability to accept and share your partner’s feelings and about being there for your partner when they need it. Communicating with your partner about your desires and feelings is a form of intimacy. The adventure in the bedroom that happens afterwards is also a form of intimacy. Intimacy is much more than just sex. Consider the idea of getting older, sexual function as you age becomes more difficult, particularly in men, and sexual activity may not be possible anymore, or at least not in the engagement that you had when you were 21.

In this vein, intimacy comes out. The ability to be emotionally available for your partner, holding hands, communicating, and physical touch all become forms of intimacy. When it comes to BDSM activities, some of the activities might involve a sense of physical danger and risk. It is therefore essential that communication and trust exists between a couple – both of which contribute to the sense of intimacy that they feel for each other and ultimately improve the relationship between the two consenting individuals.

Kink Play Encourages Fidelity

Maintaining a healthy BDSM relationship isn’t easy. There’s constant communication, checking back in with each other as you navigate your sexual interests, there’s after care, preparation needed and a host of other things. A Kinky relationship, or one that engages in kinky sex is stronger for a variety of reasons not the least of which include the increased sense of intimacy and the levels of communication. Even a simple discussion about how to bring a vibrator into the relationship can open up the relationship and bring intimacy, honesty and openness. For this reason, and the idea that the individuals are close, having a kinky relationship encourages fidelity. That’s even inclusive of the idea of open relationships and polyamorous relationships.

Now I understand that it’s difficult for me to state that kink encourages fidelity whilst making the suggestion of open and poly relationships. However, I would point out that infidelity is considered to being unfaithful to a spouse or partner – cheating on them without their knowledge. Open and Poly relationships in kink is quite common. There is an increased level of trust and communication between two primary individuals and they might recognise that their partner’s sexual needs and desires are outside of their own limitations. As such, they might open up the relationship, or engage in polyamory to ensure that their partner’s needs are being met. Such relationships involve an a high level of energy, emotional space and trust that originates from both sexual partners allowing them to function in this way – which in turn encourages fidelity and faithfulness.

 

Couples In Open Relationships Are Common In Bdsm And It Helps Maintain Active And Healthy Sexual Relationships

Kink Sex Improves Mental Health

For a considerable amount of time there have been assumptions made towards the people that engage in kink practices. Indeed, it was only recently that some practices of BDSM were taken off the mental disorders list or modified to include that the idea of a sexual interest in a particular activity with a consenting adult was not representative of a particular mental disorder. Assumptions have been made in regards to practices of BDSM and the correlation between violence and abuse and rape – however such correlations are slowly dissipating as people realise the complexity of BDSM and that the notion of consent is paramount to kink relationships. This is why Fifty Shades of Grey had such a strong backlash from the kink community because it depicted an abusive relationship that was devoid of consent and not representative of a kinky relationship at all.

Kink actually improves mental health and this was published in the journal of sexual medicine which found that people who identified as practicing BDSM and kink activities would generally score better on particular mental health indicators than people who did not practice kink sex and were involved in more traditional sexual activities. Kink practitioners were found to be less neurotic, more open and mindful, more secure and grounded within their relationships and had a better sense of well-being. In part this comes from the increased level of intimacy, openness and communication that kinky players have with their partners. The discussion and communications that they have help them understand their partner in profound and interesting ways. If for example one partner is into the idea of being restrained – then you could use our article on the definition of BDSM to work out that what they’re really looking for is the idea of submission and having their sense of power taken away. Through understanding this, it gives a profound insight into your partners mind. You can then think; my partner likes the idea of having his sexual power taken away and for me to take charge in the bedroom. He enjoys it when I talk dirty to him, when I tell him all the naughty things that I plan to do with him whilst he is tied up. He is there to pleasure me and I know he enjoys it when I do that. As opposed to – he likes it when I give oral sex.

 

Practicing Bdsm Is Similar To A Yoga High And Reduces Anxiety Depression And Stress

Bondage Play Reduces Psychological Stress

Life is stressful. There’s no denying that. There’s financial pressures, there’s the pressures of work, and there are societal pressures as you wonder if you’re using your life to the best of your ability and whether you’re achieving your goals. If you have a family then there’s added pressure on to that, if you’re single then there’s pressure with that as well. It seems that no matter what you do, how you do it then there’s going to be considerable stresses in your life on a constant basis.

How do you reduce that stress? Most people use some form of escapism, a way of escaping the pressures of life through the seeking of entertainment and the engagement of fantasy. For some, that escapism is the indulging of sexual fantasies. It is well documented that people that live in dominant lives where they are in control often like to be submissive in sexual activities as a form of balance for their day to day life and stressors.

Indeed, in a 2009 study led by BJ Sagarin and titled Hormonal changes and couple bonding in consensual sadomasochistic activity discovered that submissive and dominant individuals would routinely have lower cortisol levels after their engagement of kink and bondage activities. The paper concluded by attributing the nature of BDSM is responsible for lowering stress levels in participants.

BDSM Reduces Anxiety In People

Interestingly, many people get anxious about BDSM activities. They might feel overwhelmed by the idea and fail to understand the concept about letting go. They might attribute the experiencing of giving or receiving pain as a stressful activity. The reality is however, that the sexual enjoyment of receiving or giving pain will actually reduce feelings of anxiety. A study that was presented to the Society for Personality in Austin, Texas discovered that the brain enters an altered state of consciousness when engaging in BDSM activities – this change has since been widely documented and is often described as a ‘runners high’ or yoga state of mind. The report commented on the sensation felt through a lack of blood flow to the prefrontal and limbic pain regions quickly reducing feelings of anxiety and producing a high of tranquillity.