The Definition Of BDSM

Because of this fluid interpretation and definition of BDSM, people that fear or are unsure of the term will often focus on the more extreme acts and use that for the foundation of defining BDSM. As with most social groups, activities and common interests, it is often the extreme fringes of the groupwhich receive the most publicity and spotlight. This is what happened with Fifty Shades of Grey. The BDSM community rejoiced that something had been released to depict their sexual interests, but were dismayed when the relationship of the characters weren’t depicted as an accurate kink lifestyle. BDSM is primarily about trust, love and communication in relationships and this was noticeably absent in fifty shades of grey. Notions of the absence of consent, abuse and trust were bandied about and many people have used Fifty Shades of Grey as a weapon against the kink community. Others, thankfully, have recognised the work of fiction that it is and dismissed the negativity, making it their own in the process. In Australia, sales of adult toys skyrocketed through the fifty shades of grey period and popular women’s vibrators old out across Sydney, and it allowed people to explore a more diverse range of sexual interests. Fifty Shades of Grey can therefore be responsible for the sexual liberation of countless amounts of couples who engaged in kink sexual practices, realised that they enjoyed them and have subsequently changed their engagement of sex and sexual activities.

Breaking Down BDSM

Which brings us to the question as to what BDSM is. BDSM is typically broken down into three main components; BD, DS and SM. These three terms comprise BDSM and which define sexual activity and play within the world of BDSM. All activities relating to kink, kinky sex and activities will invariably in some fashion find its basis and foundation in one, or more, of these three terms. With that in mind, let’s get to it.

Bondage and Discipline comprise of the first part of BDSM. Often it is considered to be the tamest of the three – however I will point out that the lengths of the play, and the seriousness of the play is up to the consenting individuals involved. At the core, bondage and discipline refers to specific erotic acts which will involve the restraining and training of submissive partners. Bondage might be separate from discipline or they might work in conjunction with each other. To elaborate on that, bondage is an activity which uses various accessories, tools and implements for the physical restraining or restriction of a partner. Bondage might involve sexual pleasure, or it might simply be erotic. People don’t often associate bondage with simply being erotic because most hard core adult films will depict sexual pleasure from the activity.

There are many forms of bondage including rope bondage, cock & ball bondage, breast bondage. The use of a humblr device on a submissive male is also a form of bondage. Basically, all these are part of sexual activity or BDSM activity. Basically anything that causes the restricted movement of an individual in some way is a form of bondage. Bondage is probably the most common form of sexual play that couples might engage in without necessarily realising it, and many couples incorporate some form of bondage play into sex lives at some point in their relationships. Often bondage games contribute to a significant amount of foreplay, one or other of the parties being cuffed, blindfolded, gagged, hogtied or maybe through the simple act of holding ones hands in a restricting fashion.

The bound or submissive partner's satisfaction is often indicated by writhing, struggling or through vocalizations etc. The free or dominant partner may gain erotic pleasure and achieve sexual arousal from being in the dominant situation and using vibrators on their partner.The bound partner often achieves sexual arousal from being in a submissive position in the hands of a trusted partner. That being the transferring of sexual power and control to another individual – which relates to one of the other terms of bondage.

Photo Courtesy of mbradfordphotography

Bondage may be incorporated with, or without discipline. Many people that participate in bondage games will add items like whips and floggers to include corporal punishment into their regime. The definition of discipline is the use of rules and or punishment to modify or control an individual’s behaviour. Punishment doesn’t necessarily have to be in the form of physical pain, but it could involve humiliation, psychological in the sense of making a partner do something they don’t want to such as watch a hard core gay sex film, or the loss of physical freedom. Discipline is what you make of it, it can be used for the simple erotic pleasure of spanking or something more severe. However, it will generally encompass one of the above mentioned elements – regardless of whether the individuals realise it or not. Discipline, or punishment, is usually administered as a result of some rule being broken. Spanking is a common element in erotic bondage stories, but how is spanking in the bedroom related to a form of discipline? An individual might be smacked during sexual activity for failing to listen to an instruction, or by commonly being ‘naughty’. They might not have been have been naughty at all, but it is a part of the ‘scene’ and the fantasy in order to justify the ‘punishment’. Spanking, as one would spank a child, is also used as a form of humiliation. The fact that it is normally a child which is spanked, and not a grown individual is likening the perceived behaviour of the individual to that of a child which deserves to be spanked. In such a situation, a person that hasn’t followed an instruction to do something whilst partaking in sexual activity might be spanked with the spanking meant to modify the behaviour and get the individual to do or complete the task.

Does it sound confusing? In a way it does – Bondage and Discipline might not make much sense and a lot of the thinking that goes into this might not even be acknowledged by the couples. The dominant male might be calling his girlfriend a bad girl, and partake in slapping his girlfriend on the ass. To the couple it might seem like a fun activity, if asked they might not be able to identify that it’s a form of Bondage and Discipline play. This goes to show the broadness of kink and the differences in the active participation and recognition that they’re having kinky sex.

From that point on there might be couples who consciously think about discipline. They may also graduate to more extreme discipline equipment such as hangers, racks, crushers, spreaders and more.  Ultimately the hardest B&D Players might incorporate Fetish Wear such as hoods, Jocks, Braces, neoprene and Discipline Gear into their Bondage Play.