S and M

Defining S and M – Sadism And Masochism

When people think of the benefits of BDSM in relationships they will most commonly think of S and M.  People might be inclined to label this the most extreme of the three. But here are lighter versions and more extreme versions of each of the three facets of BDSM.

Sadism and masochism also experience this lightness and darkness that the other two facets have.

Extreme acts in submission and dominance might see one partner have total control of the other. And in bondage and discipline there might be a partner who can be restrained for days and not have release.

This might be in the form of restraints, or even in prolonged orgasm denial from chastity devices.

There are extremes in all three facets.

Though people might have the most trouble with S & M because they cannot link the idea between pleasure and pain. And there are people that cannot understand how there can be a link between the two concepts.

Truth be told there is actually a strong link between pain, pleasure and passion in relationships.

S and M
BDSM Submission

Why People Enjoy Pain During Sex

Sadism and masochism commonly refers to the idea of inflicting pain and or humiliation on an individual for sexual or erotic pleasure.

For some people, this might equate to being on par with domestic violence, abuse or forms of aggression. There is a key distinction in such a situation though. And that is being through the sub’s willingness to undergo such treatment.

A sub will willingly accept the forms of punishment that the dominant dispenses. They might have some agreement as to acceptable forms of S and M that can be used. Or they might have had some discussion. And the submissive is fully within their power to nominate when they get to press the emergency stop button.

A Masochist

Sadist, is the person who delivers the pain to the masochist being the person who enjoy receiving the pain. This transference may or may not be sexual in nature. And might include such activities as having pain. Or suffering inflicted, being beaten, suffering humiliation, tortured, or made to suffer in some other way.

It also includes cock and ball torture and in some cases the use of medical sounds and urethral stimulation.

Sensory deprivation, tickling, and ‘forced’ sex are all examples of S and M.

It should be noted that being a dominant does not automatically mean that you are a sadist.

A dominant might enjoy being in control of a situation. And ordering the submissive to assault them with whips, chains and other such toys and through similar activities.

There is often a strong emotional component to being a dominant or submissive. It is this component which defines dominance and submission and not the actual acts that are being utilised.

Leather and Latex

Commonly, even if you’re not sure what is actually involved in sadism and masochism people will conjure up various images concerning whips, chains, and leather and latex dominants.

But is it really?

Let’s go through some ideas that might be useful in breaking down this stigma and make S and M more accessible to beginners.  Usually it begins with one individual expressing an interest in S and M. And bringing it up to the partner.

From there – it begins.

Most men are brought up with the notion that being rough with a woman, or sexual partner, is not okay.  Men in this way are conditioned to repress their primal urges and to be kind, considerate and gentle when engaging in sexual activity.

This is one of the first mental blocks that an individual will need to overcome when attempting to play with S and M.  Thing is that there is more to it than whips and chains.

There’s a psychological element as well, and it encompasses role playing, bondage and in some cases the idea of forced sex.

Sexual Pleasure In Sadomasochism

Sadomasochism, is often used as an enhancement to sexual pleasure.

A person who inflicts pain or humiliation onto their sexual partner does not do it in the form of abuse. And they actually seek out such pain in the form of love and sexual pleasure. A lot of people might not realise this. But during a heightened state of arousal the pain receptors will actually diminish.

Allowing you to feel higher levels of pain that you wouldn’t normally be able to tolerate. Even with this notion in your mind, it can still be hard to understand.

Sadism is not to be confused with being a psychopath either.

A sadist, or a person who delivers pain and humiliation is not a psychopath if the relationship is consensual and with a consenting partner.

Male Submission

So why do people enjoy this type of play? Sadism and masochism draws elements from both of the other facets of BDSM. And also heavily involves the exchange of power. It might be a literal transference of power, or it might come about due to the aesthetics of the relationship.

Fetish Clothing

By that we mean that the aesthetics of fetish clothing can give a strong indication of an individual’s role in a relationship.

Some people might only be able to role play when wearing fetish lingerie or clothing. There are a myriad of reasons as to why people enjoy this type of play. We mentioned it briefly up above in the sense of the pain receptors turning off.

Think adrenaline junkies and their constant desire to push the boundaries of their bodies. This desire, when turned sexually, can result in S and M. And the constant need to push their bodies to the limits with a partner. It may or may not sexual, and it might be done with or without their sexual partner.

A true answer as to why people find this type of play enjoyable largely depends on the individual concerned.

Submissive State

For some people, taking on the role of appearing to be helpless or in a compliant and submissive state is mentally therapeutic. It provides an outlet to the stresses of life. From the pressures of responsibilities and from the feelings of guilt.

Alternatively, there might be strong benefit from being under the power of a dominant individual. Innocence and the role play of being an innocent woman learning to discover her sexual identity. Knowing that the minute details of everyday life have been taken care of. Leaving one’s mind free to dwell on other things.

A controlling presence in the bedroom, or within life may enact feelings of comfort, security. And the idea of protection that are commonly associated with childhood. They might subsequently relish in the idea of garnering approval from that figure, and may excitedly work towards that approval.

A Sadist

Conversely, a sadist might gain immense joy from the feeling of authority and the sense of power that derives from playing a dominant role. Or they might derive their pleasure from the torment of a masochist.

Where these emotional connections stem from, or where the sexual satisfaction is achieved is poorly misunderstood. These intense emotional experiences connects to sexual gratification and eroticism.

A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority

That comes from playing the dominant role. Or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist.

It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

One of the reasons why S and M is so difficult to understand is that not everyone will be in a position to see that consent has been given. Despite the masochist seemingly pleading to be let go.

Again, such relationships and sexual activity rely on the use of a safe word which will immediately halt all forms of play.